TWO COWS

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an
associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned
by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a
new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION: You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores,
feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads,
because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN (+BELARUSIAN) CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You count them and learn you have
five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have
12 cows.  You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive...

The series was based around the men and women of the Sydney Water Police who fight crime across Sydney Harbour and surrounding locales. The show was set on and around Goat Island in Sydney Harbour.
Water Rats premiered on 12 February 1996, and ran for six seasons and 177 episodes. Colin Friels and Catherine McClements were the original stars of the series and were instrumental in the show's early success. They both departed the show in 1999. In later seasons, Steve Bisley, Aaron Pedersen and Dee Smart became the show's main stars.